My three sons

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb...

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

-Psalm 139:13, 16


Five years ago it was just us...Jason and me. We did what we wanted, when we wanted to. And we dreamed about having a family. Now here we are. Yesterday Wesley asked me to tell him about before he was born, how Jason and I met and got married, how we decided to have babies, and how we got Neo and the fish. As I was telling him the story, I was amazed at all that has happened in just five years. And I thought about bringing each of my babies home and how little they were, I wondered who they would become as they grew, and I was eager to see, but I also wanted to keep them little forever.


Wesley is my firstborn. He will always be special for that. He was born during a particularly vulnerable time in my life...just laid off from the ministry, living in a new state, having moved from Oregon to California just a few days after 9/11...I was so unsure of everything, but he provided a reason to not freak out. He was such a sensitive baby...hours upon hours of screaming in our apartment each night. It was just as well that we didn't know other babies might not do that. Wesley has had four residences since his birth, five if you count the nursery he never spent a night in in Portland. He's sensitive, intelligent, outgoing, stubborn...so much like both his dad and me in many ways. I marvel at how big he is today, he has these long strong legs that I cannot believe were ever inside me. Wesley wants to be a lifeguard, then a kindergarten teacher when he grows up. He is going to kindergarten this fall and I want more than anything to protect him from danger, hurt feelings, judgment...I know I cannot, but I feel so much angst about letting him go. But, it is exciting too and I know the "big kid" stage will be as fulfilling and exciting as the "little kid" stage has been.


Thomas...my second baby. I want so much to protect him from "middle child syndrome"..whatever that is. I want him to be secure and know he is loved and needed. He is my smallest baby (at 8 lbs. 3 oz.). I found out I was pregnant with him just before Jason got laid off from his job. That was a stressful couple of months, wondering how it was going to work out, and if we would have to live in our 1 bedroom apartment forever with 2 kids. Thomas was born quickly and easily, and he has been easygoing ever since. He's polite, cheerful, strong, unafraid, and...yes, stubborn! He has an infectious laugh and he amazes me with his thoughts and speech and the things he seems to have learned through osmosis. He's already riding the trike we never have been able to get Wesley to ride...and he seems to know everything about everything. My hope for Thomas is that he will always know how special and important he is to me, and how no one could ever take his place.


Nathan...my third baby. (I have THREE babies?) I can still hardly believe it. He is the early baby...the one that wouldn't nurse for five days, then decided he was ready...I have a feeling he's going to march to his own beat. The dark hair. The impulse to party all night. I really have no idea what he's really like just yet. He is only 10 days old. I am so eager to see how he develops, who he becomes...but he is my last baby and I want him to stay little! Sometimes I want to slow the time down so I can get a good look at him. There is so much more to do now because he is the third...while he is napping I have to do the laundry and clean up, and play with the other boys...I don't get a lot of time to just stare at him. Nathan gets the enviable position of having a built in gang of buddies. I think he is going to love it. We seem to be at a more stable place in life now..but I know that could change at any moment. I just want to enjoy our family and teach them to be content and joyful no matter what happens, that we have each other, and we have God looking out for us.